Hands On My Hips
by With Good Grace
Summary: It has been one year since Quinn gave up her child. It has also been one year since she has uttered a word. She has lost her literally lost her voice and it will take time and a determined brunette for her to find it once again.
1. Chapter 1

With an argyle binder clutched tightly to her chest, Quinn Fabray walked cautiously down the deserted hallways of McKinley High. She passed by classroom after classroom, observing sleepy students staring blankly at their teachers. Her flats padded lightly against the linoleum floors as she turned the corner into the choir room.

Quinn held her breath as she opened the door.

It was empty.

To her right were two guitars standing upright next to an unplugged amp. The grand piano resided in the center of the room, looming before the red chairs she and her peers sit in each and every day.

Quinn shut the door behind her quietly, releasing her breath, and walked over to one of the acoustic guitars. Her slender hands expertly handled the wooden instrument. After she ran her palms over the soft base and slick strings, Quinn pulled the strap over her shoulders and took a seat at the piano bench.

Her fingers surprisingly grabbed the first chord and began to strum lazily. Within minutes, her idle strumming morphed into a much more purposeful movement as she began the song that had been haunting her since Regionals. It was like she had never stopped playing. The chords switched effortlessly. A small smile graced her normally pursed lips. It was exhilarating. Ignoring the small bit of pain that shot through her raw fingers, Quinn continued on more and more viciously.

The time for words was fast approaching. Quinn bit her lip, attempting to blockade her mouth from uttering the lyrics. The music flowed out of the instrument naturally, but she couldn't will herself to sing. She opened her mouth once or twice, but no sounds came out. In her dreams, Quinn walked into the room, smoothly picking up the guitar, and crooned out a heart wrenching ballad alla Rachel Berry; reality was thoroughly disappointing.

Finally, after what felt like years of endless chords, Quinn inhaled deeply and exhaled. Maybe it would sort of resemble a note.

Like a bird cawing or a moose dying, Quinn released a sound that immediately caused her fingers to stop their graceful movements. The silence was deafening. Her eyes welled up with tears, and her throat burned from its lack of use. Her tears were fighting for freedom. Quinn desperately fought back, pushing them furiously down her throat.

Without warning, she chucked her guitar and watched it crash to the ground with a loud bang. She began to pace, burning holes into the ground with each heavy step. Her hand rubbed her neck, trying to search for where the problem was, why she couldn't sing a simple song she'd known forever. After a few minutes of pacing, she tuckered herself out and plopped down on a vacant chair.

It had been a year since Regionals. It had been a year since the club lost to Vocal Adrenaline. It had been a year since the birth of her child. Quinn's heart throbbed. A small sob wracked through her body. Her hands gravitated towards her barren stomach.

_A small being lies in the arms of its mother. Her hazel eyes slowly open, adjusting to the harsh light of the operating room, and focus hazily on the girl holding her. Her eyes are tired, but upon seeing her child a small flame ignites in them, one that hasn't been lit in months. The infant's lips curl neatly into a smile, earning a bright laugh from her mother. Frightening yet comforting warmth filled her up. Her body tensed in response. Soon this baby would be in another woman's arms._

_Quinn gazed at her daughter anyway, cradling the child gently against her chest, kissing her lightly on the cheek._

_"Hey, baby girl," she breathed as the nurses hurried around the room._

_"Ms. Fabray, we need to take your daughter now," one of them said suddenly._

_Quinn's eyes widened and returned to the gurgling, squirming child in her arms. Tears spilled over her eyes. With one final kiss, she handed the child over to the nurses before slipping into a morphine-induced sleep. The hospital faded to black. She heard the distant cry of her daughter being ripped away from her._

_Quinn woke up empty and in a cleaner room with lightly yellowed walls and a sleeping teenaged boy slumped over in an armchair by her side. The room came into focus as well as the pain from the labor. Her hips ached, and her hands immediately clutched them. She groaned softly. The sound woke up the boy who rushed to her side._

_"Hey," he whispered, his hand gripping onto the bed for support._

_His normally playful brown eyes were dimmed and tired. Neither of them had the energy nor the words to comfort one another. Quinn simply settled for silence as Puck awkwardly shifted his weight._

_"Listen, I-," he began__._

_"Please," she croaked, "get out."_

_Puck's eyes widened, his mouth hanging slightly open. Then he nodded, swallowing his words and tears, and left the room quietly. Once the door shut behind him, Quinn turned into her pillow and released a guttural scream into the material. _

"Q-Quinn?" an unsure voice stuttered softly.

Her body ceased all movement. Quinn slowly turned around and met the shocked gaze of Rachel Berry. Instantly she shot up off of the floor and turned around, trying to conceal the tears Rachel had already seen. Without acknowledging her past nemesis, Quinn walked over to the chair and grabbed her binder silently.

Rachel was still trying to get used to this new Quinn, the depressed and mute blonde with eyes drowning in sadness. After Regionals, everyone, save for Rachel, had tried to get Quinn to speak. The school counselor, Principal Figgins, professional psychologists and grief councilors all took a stab at it, but none of them could get through to the teenage mother.

Rachel didn't even attempt to help Quinn. It was obvious to her that forcing Quinn to talk would only make her quieter; and that was exactly what had happened.

Months went by without Quinn uttering a single word. Though she didn't sing anymore, the club decided it would be best to let her stay in the club. Slowly, Quinn's cheeks hollowed. The circles beneath her eyes became deeper as did her silence. Rachel kept a close eye on the blonde, noting the changes in her eyes, lips, and body language whenever they were around each other. As the year passed, Rachel learned more about Quinn from watching her than from actually speaking to her. Quinn would take a long time to heal, though everyone else seemed to have given up.

Rachel swallowed thickly.

"Before you go, Quinn, may I ask you something?"

Quinn's body stopped moving midway through picking up her binder. Their eyes met hesitantly. Quinn nodded.

"Were you just trying to sing?"

Quinn froze. Ignoring the blonde, Rachel walked to the piano and sat down, her skirt draping over the bench in waves of polyester.

"When I lost my voice last year, I was terrified of singing again. I sat at the piano for hours before I finally got the guts to do it."

Rachel laughed quietly, a faint blush creeping across her cheeks. Quinn stared.

"I sounded awful. My voice was scratchy and… just awful. I sobbed for hours. I truly believed that my life was over. But then, I decided to try again. And again. And again. And then before I knew it my voice had returned like a faithful puppy dog."

Her fingers traced over middle C gently before she looked back at Quinn. Swiftly, she leapt off of the bench and took Quinn tenderly by the hand to place her onto the bench.

"Now," she said softly, "breathe in and push your stomach out. Feel the air rush into your diaphragm."

Quinn's body was rigid, her head shaking and rejecting the order.

"It's just breathing, Quinn," Rachel reassured her.

Rachel heard Quinn inhale and release the breath.

"Good," she praised, "Again."

Quinn's body remained stiff. She focused on herself, how the air she took from her surroundings flooded her stomach and then quickly exited through her mouth. At first she felt stupid as she pushed her stomach out far as she inhaled deeply; but after a few breaths, her shoulders sagged and the wrinkles in her forehead straightened out. Her eyes closed and for a while the entire world ceased existing.

As the blonde unwound, Rachel watched curiously, noting how the right side of her lip would curl each time she inhaled and how her lips loosened into a perfect line with each exhale. Quinn was serene. Rachel smiled proudly, immediately chastising herself. She was proud of Quinn Fabray for breathing. It was hardly an act that warranted pride.

Suddenly, a harsh warning bell cut through the air. Quinn's eyes snapped open. Her face returned to its usual wan expression. Quinn avoided Rachel's curious brown eyes watching her, getting up and moving past the now smashed guitar. As she picked up her binder, Quinn braced herself for whatever Rachel would say, some clichéd advice or question to provoke her into speaking. When she turned around, Quinn saw that Rachel was simply leaned up against the piano, her tight blouse hugging her chest tightly, and smiling softly. Quinn's cheeks burned with an obvious blush. For a moment, the silence did not comfort her.

Quinn bit her lip and walked towards the door, ready to make a clean escape. Her body betrayed her. Her mouth opened.

Rachel stilled.

Quinn stood still, her lips quivering. She looked at Rachel, those eyes drawing her in.

A look of panic flashed across Quinn's face. Rachel simply smiled brighter. Before leaving, Rachel grabbed the blonde's arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. Quinn watched as she left, her skirt swishing rhythmically and faithfully after her.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of Rachel's star studded pen clicking against her binder reverberated throughout the empty choir room. It was fifth period, her and Quinn's lunch period, and she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't waiting for the withdrawn blonde. The day prior Rachel had finally reached out to Quinn. They had made leaps and bounds towards speech. Today she planned on continuing her aid only if Quinn decided to make an appearance.

Right on cue, Quinn opened the door timidly, pushing it slightly with her free hand as the other clutched onto her books and the device the principal had given her to use to communicate. As the door shut quietly and Quinn laid her eyes on the eager and nervous brunette, her grip on the machine tightened and her body visibly stiffened.

"Hello, Quinn," Rachel said softly as she got up from her perch to approach the blonde.

A small shy smile, one so foreign on the once confident face, formed as Quinn avoided Rachel's eyes. It was quite adorable.

"Well," she cleared her throat and scanned the room.

Quickly, she went over to the instrument closet and pulled out the guitar that Quinn had smashed a week prior.

-/-

"Please?" she begged, the Rachel Berry pout and puppy eyes in full effect.

He rolled his eyes and slammed his locker.

"Dude, she broke my guitar. Do you know how much money I spent to get that thing? A lot. I couldn't buy dip OR numchucks for like three months," Puck recalled as they walked down the hallway.

Rachel linked her arm with his and batted her eyelashes, her hand curling around his toned biceps.

"Don't do that, Rach. You know I hate it when you look at me like that."

She sighed before pulling him into the nearest classroom.

"Listen, Noah, this is actually more serious than you think. I know that everyone has stopped trying to help Quinn, but yesterday when I went to do a few of my vocal exercises during lunch to keep my voice conditioned, she was in there. I saw your guitar in pieces and she-she was crying and I- she was trying to _sing_, Noah. She wants to try again. I can see it. She almost spoke but I just- please just try and fix it, okay? I know you don't care about her I ju-,"

"I do care about her," he said softly as he leaned up against a vacant desk.

His eyes were downcast, hands bunched into fists. Rachel stared at the boy kicking herself for saying that. Of course he cared about her how could he not? The two had had a baby together after all. As Quinn and Finn's relationship deteriorated, the brunette had noticed how Puck gazed longingly at Quinn probably dreaming of raising the child in her womb. But even when the doomed relationship had ended, Quinn didn't choose Puck. She never chose Puck, and now here he was alone and daughterless.

Rachel sighed before placing her arm gently around Puck's broad shoulders. She heard him release a shaky breath.

"Has she spoken to you?" he asked as his hand snaked around Rachel's waist.

"No."

"I just don't get it," he said suddenly exasperated. "Beth was my baby too. I mean, I fucking miss her so much sometimes, and it hurts like hell, but I didn't shut down. I still talk and laugh and fucking live. Quinn isn't living and I don't know how to fix her, Rachel. She won't let anybody fix her."

He was pacing now, furious because everybody had branded him the villain when Quinn got pregnant. No one cared enough to see how he was doing after the adoption He had endured and mourned the loss of his daughter privately.

Rachel cautiously walked over pulled Puck into a tight hug, her hand gently rubbing his back.

"I know," she murmured into his soft grey T-shirt.

They remained there, wrapped in each other's arms until the harsh and strident warning bell interrupted them. As they pulled apart, Rachel gave him a reassuring smile.

"I need to get to class," she announce, but he took her hand quickly.

Puck returned the smile and sighed.

"I guess I'll fix the guitar," he grumbled jokingly.

Her smile brightened as she jumped up quickly before tackling him with another hug.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she squealed.

-/-  
>Rachel carefully picked up the newly repaired instrument and walked backed over to the blonde.<p>

"With some intense begging, I was able to convince Noah to fix this for you, in case you wanted to play it. I actually was unaware of your ability to play guitar. I'd love to hear it sometime."

Quinn was staring at the energetic girl with wide eyes, unable to respond to her happiness. As her eyes wandered to the guitar, her fingers began to itch to play it. Amused, Rachel watched as Quinn bit her lip and continued to tightly hold her belongings. Finally, Quinn surrendered, placing her things down on top on top of the piano, and gingerly approached Rachel.

Quinn took the guitar and cradled it naturally, but her body was shaking slightly. Rachel could hear her shallow breathing become a bit heavier.

"You can play it, if you want to. Just remember what we did last time. Breathe, Quinn. If you want I could turn around?"

Quinn was quiet for a while. Rachel began to bite her nails. Releasing a sigh, she shook her head and walked back to the piano, grabbing the computer and swiftly typing out a message before handing over the computer.

**Please don't leave. **

Rachel looked up and saw Quinn's eyes for the first time that day. They were begging her to stay. Her heart wrenched, willing herself not to make this a big deal, and simply nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Quinn smiled, her lower lip curled upwards, as she held the guitar a bit more confidently. Rachel sat down at the piano bench. Quinn stood with the guitar hung around her broad shoulders. The nervousness returned but at a much lower intensity.

Rachel nodded, taking in a deep breath comically while holding onto her stomach to show the blonde that it was okay, that she should breathe. She mimicked Rachel sans humor and closed her eyes. Enamored, Rachel gazed as Quinn's fingers began their movements from string to string, chord to chord. Her cheeks were flushed slightly, a light pink spread along her porcelain cheek, and she continued playing for a little while. Though she never opened her mouth, Quinn was speaking to Rachel through those chords, through that guitar, through music. And Rachel was hanging on her every word.

After a few minutes, the music began to slow and Quinn strummed her last chord with a small smile gracing her lips. Her head lifted, eyes now open, and looked to Rachel whose jaw was currently to the floor in shock. How did she not know that Quinn played the guitar?

Quinn gave her a questioning look as her bottom lip slipped between her teeth. It was as if she were asking for approval.

"Quinn," Rachel tried to begin. "I-you that was I mean I didn't even know and then-,"

The sound of Quinn's laughter immediately cut off the fumbling brunette. Quinn clutched her stomach as a few giggles escaped her mouth. Rachel was blushing, and her cheeks were warm with the evidence of embarrassment; but Quinn's laughter diffused her humiliation, and soon she too was laughing at her incoherence.

Suddenly, Quinn quickly grabbed the computer from on top of the glossy baby grand. She cautiously handed it over to Rachel, their eyes locked in a gaze. Quinn looked down at the machine and then back up at Rachel.

Rachel took the computer from her hands. Quinn peered over her shoulder, but before she could see it, Rachel turned away with a teasing grin. It was a short message, but she had to start somewhere. Rachel took Quinn's hand nervously and with the other gave her the machine.

**That was beautiful, Quinn. **


	3. Chapter 3

Quinn and Rachel began meeting in the choir room every day fifth period. Rachel would waltz into the choir room promptly with her brown bag filled with a meticulously prepared salad, a green tea juice box and a homemade oatmeal cookie. The bag was decorated appropriately with her name in a graceful cursive and stamped with her signature gold star. She'd place her things on an empty maroon chair and walk towards the closet to grab Puck's acoustic guitar from on top of the crates of sheet music stacked in the dirty space. From there she proceeded back to her lunch where she sat the instrument down to eat her meal.

After a few minutes, Quinn would quietly walk in, wave shyly, and sit next to Rachel with her lunch in hand which was always without fail a BLT. Together they ate and talked in their own sort of way.

Rachel talked animatedly while Quinn watched, mesmerized by her infinite amount of energy. Quinn every once in a while would respond via her computer, a machine that she was beginning to hate less and less, now that it was her only way of communicating with the brunette. Their conversations ranged from laughing over some ridiculous new song Mr. Schuester had decided was "perfect" for Nationals even though they both knew that by the next day it would be another new "perfect" song to how stupid Ms. Sylvester's latest scheme to destroy the club was which may or may not have involved an imported dwarf from Brazil.

Quinn quite enjoyed the company. It was nice with Rachel. She wasn't trapped with Rachel. She wasn't suffocated like she was around everybody else. There wasn't any pressure to speak or several pairs of judgmental eyes lingering on her as she grabbed a water bottle from the lunch line. For one period a day she could be herself, her face not plastered with that fake dull expression she had been wearing for a year straight. At first they told each other the mundane things both could relate to; Rachel didn't push Quinn too hard, but eventually they got to a point of comfort that neither could really describe.

"Favorite food?" Rachel inquired one day midway through her salad.

Quinn didn't even have to think about the last question. With a swift typing, she returned the machine to her faithfully.

**Bacon**

Rachel's eyes widened as her jaw dropped to the floor.

"Bacon, Quinn? Do you have any idea of how many innocent pigs are _murdered_ each and every day in the process of making that disgusting and incredibly fattening favorite food of yours? I am shocked that you would even ingest that. I can't I just- we can no longer be friends."

Quinn's face fell and her mouth opened and closed. Rachel's face remained serious for a few more moments before she burst out into uncontrollable laughter, her hand clutching her side.

"Oh my gosh, Quinn, you should have seen your face!"

Rachel grabbed Quinn's arm softly, giving Quinn permission to join her. Their laughter filled up the room, and Quinn relaxed into her chair. After a while as both girls recovered, Quinn typed out another message, her lip in between her teeth.

**You really wouldn't ditch me because of my taste in food, would you?**

Rachel read the message and smiled confidently, grabbing Quinn's hand in hers, their fingers intertwining.

"I wasn't planning on it. However, your taste in clothing is _atrocious_!"

Quinn smirked before seizing the computer once again.

**Don't you even start with me, Berry. The amount of argyle you wear is sinful not to mention those sweaters.**

Rachel's mouth opened widely, letting out an exasperated breath once she read the message. Quinn was rewarded with a playful slap on the arm, one that left a tingling sensation on the limb.

"Uhm, wasn't it you who decided to follow Brittany's trend of wearing said animal sweaters? Hypocrite!" she said as she pointed accusingly towards the laughing blonde.

The girl had a point. Midway through a chuckle, Quinn typed out her surrender.

**You win :P**

Rachel grinned triumphantly and took another bite of her salad.

"You're turn," she announced.

Quinn smiled and thought of her next question. Part of her wanted to know exactly how many articles of argyle clothing Rachel owned, but she resisted. Then her face became a bit more serious. She typed her question a few times, rewording it several times.

**Are you still in love with Finn?**

It was a blunt question to say the least. Finn hadn't spoken to Quinn since Regionals because at the time he and Rachel had reunited in their quest to save the Glee Club. The relationship had been short-lived and Quinn had seen both teens hurt because of it, especially Rachel.

Rachel looked at the screen for a moment. Then she lifted her eyes to meet Quinn's curious gaze.

"No," she answered simply.

Quinn blinked.

**No?**

Rachel nodded as she swallowed her last bit of salad

"No, I am not in love with Finn Hudson."

Quinn tried to suppress a smile, a smile that died instantly when she saw how Rachel's eyes were dulled by a sudden sadness. Quickly, Quinn seized the girl's hand and gave her a look that hopefully asked "What's wrong?" She was too lazy to let go of her soft hand to type out the question. Rachel sighed, loving the feel of Quinn's hand grasping onto hers supportively.

"I am sick of my life revolving around him. I know I get obsessive over boys, but the truth is I only liked Finn because well," she looked down at their hands, "he chose me over _you_, Quinn. I'll never understand it because I mean you're- you're so beautiful. When he did that, it made me feel…beautiful for a little while."

Rachel trailed off, locking her eyes onto Quinn's, allowing herself to get lost. Her heart began to race slightly as the silence became uncomfortable. Rachel cleared her throat.

"I now realize that it was a farfetched fantasy and that I am far better off without him."

Quinn swallowed thickly. With her free hand she seized the machine.

**Rachel, you are the most beautiful girl at this school. There is a reason Finn chose you over me. Finn isn't good enough for you, none of us here in Lima are.**

Rachel read the message and squeezed the hand holding hers. A tear rolled down her cheek and Quinn couldn't bear to see the normally confident brunette upset. It also made her want to murder a certain quarterback. She swiftly wiped the tear gently away with her thumb.

"Thank you, Quinn," she breathed, clasping another hand over Quinn's.

Quinn grinned as her fingers tingled. They just sat there for a while, taking the other one in, until suddenly Rachel sniffled.

"Hey, Quinn?"

The blonde nodded, her eyes glued to Rachel.

"Are we friends?" she blurted, causing Quinn's heart to momentarily stop beating.

Before Quinn could think about typing a message, she pulled the hands in hers up to her lips and kissed them firmly, letting her lips linger on the warm skin. Rachel's smooth skin was intoxicating. When she looked up at Rachel, who was currently gaping at her, she smiled and then nodded. That stupid machine wasn't enough. It couldn't really tell Rachel how much Quinn cared about her.

-/-

"Do you ever wish you were back on the Cheerio's?" Rachel asked a few days later while munching on a stalk of celery.

The blonde looked up from her meal to meet Rachel's curious eyes. It was a good question.

Coach Sylvester had practically begged her to join, offering to completely forget the pregnancy and let her reaccept her position as head cheerleader. Santana had been thrilled when Quinn rejected the offer, as generous as it was.

Quinn sighed and grabbed the computer to type her answer. There was something so innocent and kind about the way Rachel was gazing at her that made Quinn type out the truth.

As Quinn handed back the machine, Rachel was smiling softly. The blonde cocked her head sideways. Rachel giggled as a blush pervaded her cheeks.

"This is all just so…strange, you know? I mean a year ago you were throwing slushies in my face and calling me derogatory nicknames, most of which were wholly unoriginal, and fighting over Finn obsessively and now here we are eating lunch together and-,"

Quinn gaped at the brunette.

"This is a good thing, that's what I'm trying to say. I am normally much better at controlling my speech being that my lexicon is incredibly and perhaps overly developed but with you I just seem to ramble on and on and I-,"

Completely red in the face, Rachel zipped her mouth shut. Quinn giggled uncontrollably at Rachel's nervousness, the sound of her laughter warming the rambler's heart despite her embarrassment. It was completely endearing for Quinn to see Rachel Berry fumble for the right words to say.

"I'm going to stop talking now," she announced, humiliated at her incoherency, and looked down to read Quinn's answer.

**Sometimes I do. But it doesn't feel right. Coach Sylvester was ready to forget about everything that happened. I don't want to forget. Plus, Santana deserves the head spot, not me. That wouldn't be fair. **

It was indeed strange, the radical one hundred and eighty degree flip in their relationship. Bullying Rachel was never a part of Quinn's plan; it just sort of happened. Prior to her learning that Rachel was pursuing Finn, Quinn had noticed Rachel quite often. A few times she had contemplated saying hi or something but she could never muster up enough confidence to do so. It had been branded into her brain that popularity was more important than anything else, more important than love, friendship and happiness. And she had blindly accepted that.

Of course now it meant virtually nothing to her. She was free of Sue Sylvester, of Finn Hudson, and of her innate desire for popularity. She threw on her dresses, let her hair down, and hit the books because she needed to get a scholarship now that she was without the security that came with the blazing red Cheerio's uniform. Quinn Fabray, head bitch in charge, had been put to rest once the team lost Regionals and she lost her daughter.

"Quinn?"

The blonde's head shot up abruptly. Rachel was staring at her with concern.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly, subtly moving a bit closer.

Quinn could lie and say yes, though Rachel wouldn't buy it for a second. Or she could be honest. Why couldn't she just lie? It normally was so easy, especially now that people rarely talked to her. This was the first time in perhaps months that someone asked her that question and actually meant it.

Her first instinct was to grab the machine and type out a no sans explanation. Her fingers, however, had a different idea, and she quickly grabbed the device, rapidly typing her question. She timidly handed it to Rachel and waited quietly.

**Why do you care?**

It wasn't a question that would have been said with anger or animosity had the blonde actually used her voice to ask the question. It was just odd. Why was Rachel sacrificing her lunch period every single day to eat with her mute nemesis and listen to her play the guitar and talk through a stupid piece of plastic because that same nemesis was too cowardly to speak?

She watched as Rachel's eyes widened and then rose to look at Quinn.

"Quinn, you don't know how many times I have asked that question myself."

Quinn grabbed the computer again and typed out another question.

**You've never cared before. Why now?**

A flash of hurt pierced Rachel's eyes. Quinn regretted the question but still yearned for the answer.

Quinn didn't even deserve this. Twice Rachel had reached out to her and what did Quinn do? Reject. Bully. Fight with her, fight the friendship as if the moment they became friends the world would combust. That wasn't to say that Rachel was perfect but as far as kindness goes Rachel was the only person right now willing to endure a conversation with her. And that was saying a lot considering that for the most part the conversation was one-sided.

"Can I be completely honest with you, Quinn?" Rachel asked suddenly.

Quinn nodded enthusiastically. Rachel released a nervous breath before continuing.

"When you first became… silent, I didn't know how to be around you. None of us were therapists and councilors and everybody was bombarding you with offers of help. I knew that my trying to force you to talk wasn't what you needed then and isn't what you need right now. What you needed then was for people to let you be; so I let you be. I also figured that you wouldn't even want to talk to me at all. I mean we were hardly friends. But just because I didn't reach out to you then," she paused and finally met Quinn's eyes with honest chocolate brown ones of her own, "doesn't mean that I don't care about you now because I do… I care about you, Quinn."

Rachel Berry just admitted to caring about her. Her heart was beating faster as she felt the familiar burn of tears in the back of her eyes. She looked like she meant it too, like she actually did care.

And for a moment, Quinn wanted to be better again, but she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve Rachel. She was a monster. She abandoned her daughter and bullied the one girl who supposedly cared about her and lied to Finn and cheated with Puck and disappointed her father and broke Finn's heart and the list was just never-ending. Rachel shouldn't care about her.

Quinn's breath became labored. All four walls of the choir room seemed to be closing in on her.

"Quinn?" Rachel questioned again, though this time she was blurred by the tears streaming down her face.

A violent sob ripped through her. Quinn wanted to scream at Rachel to leave her alone, to stop caring. It wasn't right. Hot tears left a burning trail down her cheeks; but it wasn't enough. Quinn deserved punishment. Why was Rachel offering her forgiveness, help, comfort?

She deserved more pain. Her throat throbbed with the urge to scream, but before she could a strong pair of arms enclosed her trembling form. A rush of warmth shot through her, a kind of rejuvenating force that only made her cry harder. She fought against the arms around her, slapping and clawing, her mouth opening and closing as she sobbed. Desperately she tried to push Rachel away but it only made the brunette hold on tighter. For a tiny girl like Rachel, she was surprisingly strong.

As Quinn pushed and pushed and Rachel pulled and pulled, something finally changed. The blonde in her arms began to calm, her clawing arms slowing down to a pathetic pawing at Rachel's blouse. A gentle hand rubbed her back as Quinn was cradled on the cold choir room floor.

She was tired, God she was so tired. The exhaustion hit her like a truck on the highway going seventy miles per hour. Her breathing was shallow, but her heart was still pounding because she could smell Rachel's perfume emanating off of her freshly pressed blouse and it made her head spin. Her head was buried now in long brown locks and Rachel curled her arms around her back.

"Shh…I'm here," Rachel whispered softly.

Quinn, unable to control herself, mumbled quietly into her hair.

"Why?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** The song in this chapter is "For You I Will" the acoustic version by Teddy Gieger .com/watch?v=4R3LHfDqnVY It is a beautiful song. I suggest looking at the lyrics. Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome.

* * *

><p>An exasperated Rachel Berry let out a sigh of relief as soon as the fourth period bell rang. As the rest of the class sluggishly moved out of their seats, Rachel bolted out of hers. After pushing past several students who seemed to think it was acceptable to walk at the speed of a one hundred year old tortoise, she finally reached her destination and frantically spun the dial to open her locker. She shoved her books inside of it, grabbed her lunch bag, and slammed it shut. While the rest of the student body made their way to their next classes, Rachel made a bee-line for the choir room, already feeling her heart race with anticipation at the thought of seeing Quinn. The day before whens she had held the girl tightly in her arms, Rachel swore she had heard her speak. Perhaps today would be different.<p>

She burst into the room not expecting to find Quinn sitting nervously at the piano bench holding onto Puck's guitar.

"Quinn!" Rachel exclaimed, startled to see that Quinn had arrived before her.

Quinn smiled shyly, brushing back a strand of hair behind her ear. It was quite endearing. Rachel moved into the room carefully, plopping her lunch on top of the baby grand.

"What's going on?" she asked curiously as she pulled out her green tea.

As she inserted the straw into the juice box, Rachel saw in the corner of her eye Quinn hesitate as she procured her computer to type out her answer. Then she handed it to Rachel who took it with her free hand as her lips grabbed onto the straw.

**I was wondering if today I could sing maybe. **

Rachel almost spit out her tea. A massive grin overtook her face as she began to nod enthusiastically.

"Of course!" she cried excitedly.

Quinn beamed back, though her nerves crept out from beneath her smile. An awkward silence overcame the two, both waiting for the other to say something. Rachel cleared her throat.

"Well, first of all you need to remember your breathing. I know you haven't used your voice in quite some time so I think you should do a few breaths before you sing whatever it is you want to sing," Rachel advised confidently.

The blonde exhaled deeply and nodded. Her hand gripped onto the neck of the guitar tighter. She began to play out a series of chords. Rachel recognized the song instantly. Quinn looked to her finally and received an encouraging smile from the brunette. Quinn's shoulders were tense. Her diaphragm was not moving, and she was forcing a smile to hide her fear.

The first verse was approaching. Rachel watched Quinn inhale through her chest and snapped her eyes shut while her mouth opened slightly. The beat continued but Quinn didn't sing, letting out the breath she had inhaled out with frustration. Her fingers stopped their movements, and she ran her hand through her wavy locks of blonde hair.

"Hey it's okay," Rachel said soothingly as she moved towards the distressed blonde, "That was good."

She placed her hand on her shoulder and smiled.

"Try again, okay? I'm right here, it's just me."

Quinn shook her head and pulled out the machine once more, viciously typing her message.

**No, that's it. It's you. You're this incredible singer and I suck. **

Rachel was taken aback by the anger in the message. Quinn didn't suck at anything, especially singing. Over the course of the previous year she had grown to love the smoothness and almost lightness of Quinn's singing voice and now she was so eager to hear it after an entire year of silence. Rachel seized Quinn's hand and looked directly into those fiery hazel eyes.

"Quinn, listen to me. Do you remember how bad I was when I got laryngitis last year? I will not judge you, though, I admit, I had hoped that you would have learned that by now. You are a great singer, Quinn. Please don't be nervous, okay? I'll still love you even if you sound terrible."

Rachel's body froze as she let out the end of her spiel. Love wasn't supposed to be in there. It was supposed to be "I'll still be your friend" but thanks to an incredibly untimely Freudian slip Rachel feared she had just scared Quinn back into silence. Luckily, Quinn simply blushed at her words and took another deep breath. With a cute nod, she began to strum once again.

A sudden wave of confidence overtook Rachel, causing her to move quietly behind the seated Quinn.

"Now, I can already tell that you aren't breathing correctly," she began as she placed her hands supportively onto Quinn's shoulders.

Quinn's fingers stopped momentarily.

"Oh no!" Rachel said softly. "Keep going."

The music resumed. With it, her heart began to rise up into her throat. Slowly, she placed her hands gently onto Quinn's hips. Her hands curled around Quinn's diaphragm. Quinn's body stilled.

"Just relax and breathe. I just want to," she paused as her fingers spread across the stiff stomach, "… uhm f-feel how you're… breathing exactly… and while I can see your stomach in motion, well I can't accurately tell if you are breathing with your chest or with your… diaphragm. You see you will need a lot of support since you haven't used your voice in quite some time," Rachel rambled, her confidence and control dwindling as she caressed the skin beneath her finger tips.

Just touching the blonde made her stomach flip. The room felt a thousand times warmer as she held onto Quinn. She could hear Quinn's rapid heart beat, but the girl didn't object. Quinn began to play again, effortlessly hitting each note despite their new position. Though her mind was completely focused on how soft Rachel's hold on her was, Quinn continued playing and she thanked God for muscle memory. Could Rachel hear her hearting racing? Maybe she could feel it just by touching her.

The music continued and Quinn decided to follow Rachel's directions at last. Slowly she inhaled and Rachel felt the air rush into the girl's diaphragm as her stomach expanded with the breath. The brunette shivered at the movement.

No. She needed to focus. For Quinn. From her view, she could see Quinn's fingers moving expertly from chord to chord; but what she could not see was the petrified but also curious expression painted on Quinn's face.

Quinn was petrified, because as wrong as this should feel, she wanted Rachel to touch her more. She quickly refocused on exhaling. The air blew past her lips. She heard Rachel sigh only making her heart beat faster. After a while, Quinn grew more confident. Rachel readjusted her grip a little tighter.

"Come on, Quinn," Rachel begged under her breath.

After the last progression, Quinn opened her mouth and released the breath she had been holding, this time adding sound to the mix. She sounded awful, if not worse than the last time she had dared to try. And Rachel had heard it.

She immediately stopped playing and brought her hands to her face to cover herself, hiding from the shame of her voice. But strangely, those two hands still rested comfortably at her hips. As Quinn turned around, her cheeks burning with embarrassment, her eyes met the kind gaze of Rachel who was smiling down at her. She felt a finger stroke over her abdominals; her body shivered at the subtle movement.

Had Rachel's eyes gotten darker? Quinn stared into the two gently eyes that were currently staring right back at her; they had. A fire ignited between her legs. Her own hands touch the ones feeling her. A shot of electricity rushed through her as their skin made contact. Quinn sighed, her eyes flying shut.

"Want to try again?" Rachel asked quietly, staring at the hand over hers.

Quinn nodded and shook her eyes back open, ripping her hand away from Rachel's. Her fingers resumed their motion. She began to breathe once again. Rachel felt the rise and fall of her stomach. Then she heard Quinn open her mouth, the air rush inside, and her release of the first note. And it sounded like the old Quinn for a moment before it cracked horridly.

The body she held tensed, but Rachel refused to let go, the feel of Quinn's skin addicting to her fingers. With one hand she stroked Quinn's back.

"It's okay, Quinn. I think for a first try that was pretty incredible."

Quinn whipped around to meet Rachel, their eyes connecting instantly as both noted the darkness of the other's pupils. Rachel's eyes landed on a pair of perfectly sculpted lips and without her consent her tongue ran over her bottom lip. The urge to devour them surged suddenly within Rachel. She desperately tried to suppress it.

Her mind was telling her to stop, to let go of her hips, to stop staring at those lips, but unfortunately every other fiber of her being hungered to do everything her mind was advising her against.

Rachel's heart was threatening to break through her shirt. She moved the hand stroking Quinn's back to her cheek and caressed it gently, feeling a sigh escape from her inviting lips. Quinn turned her body to face the brunette, but Rachel's other hand remained firmly on her hips, anchored strongly to the intoxicating skin.

Quinn was breathing softly, her breath teasing Rachel's senses. Rachel moved closer to Quinn's lips, and Quinn imitated her movements. Hot breath tickled her cheek like a warm summer breeze.

Their noses brushed against each other, both sighing in unison. Quinn's eyes were open and Rachel finally reopened hers, losing herself in the hazel swirls. Deep within she saw a spark, a fire that she had somehow lit just by being centimeters within her lips. Before she could control herself, they surged together suddenly, their lips meeting both tentatively and slightly hungrily.

Rachel whimpered, reveling in the softness of the lips currently searing into hers. It ignited her soul. A fire raged throughout her all the way down to her toes. She felt the lips against hers press back and it only made her want more.

She wanted more.

Immediately she pulled their lips apart and brought her hands back to her sides. Quinn suddenly looked broken.

"I'm so sorry," she breathed before running out of the room.

-/-  
>Horrified. That would be the correct word to describe Rachel Berry as she sat alone in the girl's bathroom during her sixth period history class. How could she have been so stupid? How could she kiss Quinn when she knew how vulnerable she was? Could she have been any more selfish? As she continued to berate herself, her mind kept replaying their kiss on a loop. Her lips were on fire as well as another region of her body.<p>

She brought her hands up to them and felt them tingling. Rachel couldn't seem to go a minute without reliving the kiss in her mind.

"Why did I do that?" she whimpered as she thrust her face into her hands.

She would see Quinn after school at Glee rehearsal, so she had a few periods to figure out what the heck she would say, assuming that she would even be able to speak when the opportunity arose. With a deep breath, Rachel removed herself from her perch, straightened out her skirt, and exited the stall once she was certain that she was alone.

On her way out, she double-checked herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed, her bright eyes practically screamed "I just kissed Quinn Fabray!" and- wait, and did her lips seem different? Rachel made a beeline for the sink and clutched the porcelain firmly as she further examined herself. Frantically she splashed her face with water and dried off quickly with a paper towel. Once she deemed herself acceptable she walked out of the bathroom, her skirt swishing behind her faithfully.

-/-  
>The Glee club members chatted animatedly in the choir room while they waited for Mr. Schuster and the remainder of the group to trickle in. Rachel sat in the corner practically pulling her hair out while her teammates enjoyed each other's company obliviously. Her eyes went once again to the empty doorway. While she stared longingly, Finn plopped down beside her and slid his arm around her chair.<p>

"Hey, Rach," he said cheerfully.

She ripped her gaze from the door as her eyes looked up to the boy gazing down at her expectantly. Forcing a smile, Rachel ignored her urge to look back at the door.

"Hello, Finn," she replied softly.

Finn was oblivious to her dejected behavior. He smiled that goofy smile at her for a few moments before engaging a bit more in the conversation.

"So do you maybe wanna go out someti-,"

"No," she interrupted flatly.

He pouted, hurt by her curt response, and moved back over to Mike and Sam who were currently trying to see who could fit a quarter on their nose. Sam was losing and suggested trying it out on their lips but Mike was quick to protest.

Mr. Scheuster walked in as the band finished tuning their instruments. The talking simmered down while Mr. Schuester wrote some of the songs they had in their repertoire on the whiteboard at the front of the room. Today was supposed to be the rehearsal where they voted on a set list, though most of them knew it was probably going to change within a few days, a week tops.

"Alright, guys, now I have written some of the potential Nationals numbers we have in our back pocket. Here's our problem. At Nationals I want everyone to have their chance to shine equally so picking out a set list that will do just that will be difficult for us. But I think we can do it!"

Tina rolled her eyes.

"Now, is everyone here?"

Everyone looked around the room.

"Quinn isn't here," Rachel said softly, her hands firmly on her lap, her stomach churning with anxiety.

Mr. Scheuster frowned slightly.

"Well let's just wait until she-," he began but was interrupted by the blonde's entrance.

He smiled. "Hey, Quinn! Take a seat. We were just about to choose the set list for Regionals."

She smiled back in that small Quinn smile Rachel had grown quite fond of., though she preferred it when she smiled fully. Her full smile was one that she had only witnessed when they were alone together.

Quinn didn't seem like she had been crying or had been upset at all. That was a good sign at least. Rachel was so busy trying to avoid eye contact that she didn't see that Quinn hadn't taken her seat yet. Instead when she met the gaze of the blonde, Quinn was typing a message and showing it to the curly haired teacher.

Mr. Schuester nodded enthusiastically, grinning widely.

"Hey, guys," he said excitedly, "before we vote Quinn has prepared a song for us."

Each and every jaw in the room dropped to the floor, Rachel's the hardest.

Mr. Schuester stepped back to sit in the vacant seat next to Rachel who was currently in shock.

The blonde gracefully made her way to one of the stands and grabbed the acoustic guitar. Pulling over a stool, Quinn sat down before tuning the instrument. Her eyes never met Rachel's. Rachel's heart throbbed against her chest. What if she was singing a song about how much she hated Rachel? What if she was singing about not loving Rachel?

Quinn looked up from her instrument at her audience who were gaping at her. She threw them all a quick smile as she began to strum the guitar lightly. Her fingers moved from string to string. And then, almost as quickly as it had begun, Quinn opened her lips, releasing the breath she had just inhaled.

The voice that emanated from the blonde was foreign. It was a bit raspier than she had remembered, but Rachel was equally enamored. As the song continued and Quinn's grip on the guitar loosened as her nerves melted with the music, Rachel hung on her every word. Quinn opened her eyes and stared deeply at Rachel, who was dumbfounded.

Rachel's heart was in her throat as her eyes eagerly drank in every bit of the girl in front of her. She felt hot tears build up in the back of her eyes. She willed them not to fall. Everything suddenly inside of her was numb and excited all at the same time. Her heart was thrusting out of her chest and the hair on her arms rose at the now crisp yet delicate voice singing to her, singing to Rachel.

Quinn was supposed to be freaking out not reciprocating. She was supposed to hate Rachel for kissing her, not wanting more. The blonde smiled softly as she flew into the next verse, eying Rachel as she sang the first line.

A flash of pain rippled through two hazel eyes that were struggling to remain dry. Quinn was doing it. She was bearing it all for the club, for Rachel. And as Rachel continued to be enamored by the performance, her heart swelled because she had gotten Quinn to open her lips, to open her heart, and finally feel something other than depression. It was her not some psychologist or councilor or doctor. Rachel Berry, the girl who Quinn had hated for years, was the one to finally get Quinn to use her voice again.

Quinn's eyes landed now on Rachel, solely on Rachel, as she surged into the bridge, her fingers working wonders on the wooden instrument. The pace increased as Quinn belted out as strongly as she allowed the song was saying all of the things she didn't have the courage to say or rather didn't have the voice to say to the brunette. Her heart was pounding rapidly as Rachel melted at the sound of Quinn's voice.

A tear escaped, traveling slowly down Quinn's flushed cheek leaving a clear trail. Rachel's hand gravitated towards her heart, feeling the rapid pace distinctly. Everyone else in the room dissipated leaving only her and the blonde. Tears were streaming down both of their faces, but one was beaming the other was struggling to keep going. Rachel flashed her bright smile, one that gave Quinn the strength to finish despite the pain in her throat and the tears burning down her face. With a deep breath, she began the final chorus.

The guitar slowly faded, the room gradually filling with silence but then was overwhelmed with applause from the rest of the audience. Quinn's eyes were locked on Rachel's though as she got up from her stool, gently placing the guitar down. Her cheeks were glowing, eyes bright with both fear and love.

"I…just wanted to thank you guys for letting me stay here for all of this time," she began as she wiped the tears off of her face gently, "I have been so… selfish. And I am so sorry for everything especially to you, Puck."

The boy smiled weakly as his eyes glistened with tears. He nodded.

"I hope you all can forgive me," she choked out as a silent sob wracked her frail body.

Within seconds, twelve sets of arms embraced her. Quinn reveled in the strength, letting all of her walls down immediately. After a few moments, she caught Rachel's eye, and she smiled softly. She snaked her way out of the crowd, mumbling thank you's as she made her way towards the brunette.

Rachel tingled with anticipation. A slender hand grabbed hers, the entire glee club gawking at the scene, and pulled her slowly out of the classroom. Once out of the spotlight, Quinn guided Rachel towards the courtyard where during the springtime most of the student body enjoyed their lunches. They sat down on a bench; their hands were still very much entwined, and both girls sighed simultaneously. Quinn's eyes darted from Rachel to the floor until finally they set on the girl next to her.

"Rachel," she croaked timidly, causing Rachel's heart to leap.

Quinn had said her name. It had been two years since that name had been uttered from those lips towards her. She whimpered at the sound. Before the blonde could continue Rachel interrupted.

"Oh God I was so worried that after… we kissed you'd hate me and never want to see me again. I can't believe you did-,"

"Rachel," Quinn said with a bit more volume.

Rachel blushed furiously.

"Sorry," she whispered sheepishly.

Quinn smiled, squeezing the hand in hers.

"It's okay."

A breeze blew by causing Quinn's blonde hair to flow behind her. Rachel's heart stopped.

"Quinn?" she began nervously.

"Mhm?"

"What was it that made you… this way?"

Quinn sighed, brushing back a strand of her hair.

"I've been afraid," she whispered, "afraid of forgetting her. If I went on with my life and got back on the Cheerio's and went back to school then it would be like she never existed. If I didn't talk about it then I wouldn't have to forget it. If I didn't speak about it then it would be like it wasn't over. Like I was still pregnant. Like I still had her. Like I didn't give her away. Because she'll never know how much I love her and I just- I don't deserve to talk or to be popular or anything," her eyes dropped to the ground, "I don't deserve you."

Rachel gasped and quickly pulled Quinn's face into her hands.

"Quinn Fabray, you deserve everything, okay? You cannot keep punishing yourself for something that is now out of your control. Yes, you made a mistake, but you made up for that. You gave your child away to a woman who will give her a life you couldn't have given her. And she will always know you love her. You deserve this," she demanded firmly but lowered her voice for her last word, "You deserve me."

Quinn cried quietly but her tears were wiped away by Rachel's tender thumb.

"I need to tell you something," she breathed.

Rachel nodded slowly.

"I know I used to be popular and everything, but I never really had friends. And then you, the one girl I was the worst to, wanted to be mine when nobody else did. You talked to me even though you knew I wouldn't talk back. And then I just kept wanting to talk to you, the real way, but I couldn't. You were just so open and willing and caring and I just didn't understand. Why do you even care about me? I was a bitch to you for so long I just-I just-," she choked on her words, struggling to find the correct way to say her thoughts, "thank you, Rachel. God, thank you so much."

Rachel wrapped her arms around the shaking blonde and rested her chin on her shoulder.

"You're welcome."

Slowly, they pulled back and their eyes met instantly. Quinn noted the sudden darkness in the normally light brown as the brunette eyed her lips. She moved herself closer to Rachel gingerly. As their foreheads touched Rachel dipped her head lower and enveloped the blonde's lips in hers, causing a sensation so overwhelming, so intense, that she gasped into the lips against hers. Her mind suddenly ceased functioning. Their lips began to part and resurge into a wave of lust and love and longing. She explored Quinn's lips, tasting all there was to taste, and she let the blonde do the same. The feel of Quinn's smooth lips against hers lit a fire in the pit of her stomach and in her heart

Both eventually needed air, a requirement that caused their lips to part. Their bodies were still close, but never close enough. Rachel's hands were securely placed on her hips and Quinn's was caressing her cheek, a touch that caused her skin to tingle.

"God," she whispered as she shut her eyes.

For the first time, reality didn't scare Quinn back into herself, only to become lost in the darkness of her mind. Now she only wanted more of reality, more of Rachel and more of life.


End file.
